Loneliness is "not meaning or mattering to others/anyone". It is possible to care about someone or something 'in theory' where you work towards making sure their environment or lives are ok without ever interacting with or reaching out to them directly. Unfortunately, behaviour like this is a form of inter-personal neglect.
It's also possible to mean and matter to the people around you without having to be in an intimate, personal relationship with them. The willingness to get to know, to co-operate with, and to share and be shared with with those around you; even if it is done briefly. Not necessarily your inner most secrets or details of your current problems, but things that we as human beings will likely have in common. A willingness to see another person & find out that they have many needs and similarities to you, exploring the differences, and helping or interacting based upon these needs. This is a form of reaching out and "touching" someone. A good example is the flood in Calgary, and how so many people regardless of income or status helped the suffering & with the rebuilding of the city. Our Charter of Rights and Freedoms is also based upon this.
Loneliness is a want or dearth of knowing others.
It is also about feeling rejected or unwelcome.
The impacts of these two worlds have been studied since the 1970's with some pretty interesting results:
- Loneliness is bad for your health: "social isolation is comparable to sedentary lifestyles, poor diet, and high blood pressure as a cause of morbidity and mortality"
- Your brain registers rejection the same way it does physical pain.
- Loneliness can affect your genes: "He pointed out some who had been given over to foster grandmothers. Not only did they act more monkey-like, but, he told me, about half of their genetic deviations had vanished, too."
- Loneliness ends up being a self-fulfilling prophecy which has a negative, downward spiral: "They're less trusting of others, their self-esteem is usually in the cellar, and they're less inclined to ask for help—qualities that reinforce a sense of their solo-ness."
- Loneliness is independent of actual social skills: "Loneliness is not necessarily about poor social skills. When you are lonely, it may be overwhelming to think about venturing out to be with people even though you may have good social skills. Loneliness can lead to depression and a wish to isolate."
- Loneliness is reversible: "Teach a lonely person to respond to others without fear and paranoia, and over time, her body will make fewer stress hormones and get less sick from them"
- Loneliness is a very old survival trait: "Loneliness is the prompt that makes us come together, each of us sharing what we have, welcoming others to the fire or the cache of Junior Mints smuggled into the movie theater, creating a social fabric. "
""They're so depleted by their loneliness that they're not the least bit welcoming in conversation or their facial expressions," she says. "One client looked standoffish because she was trying not to come off as weak or desperate." But it's okay to be weak, Olds says. We all need help with the trash barrels, the copy machine, or the ever perilous warrior III pose in yoga class. Olds encourages clients to ask for aid when they need it and also to offer it: to run a neighbor's errand, shake the toner cartridge, or help that poor klutzy yogi on the next mat"http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Loneliness-Research-How-Loneliness-Affects-Health-How-to-Help/1
On a note about the next article, I have seen this frustration with the loneliness in Vancouver by people who are not naturally lonely. They often speak of being unable to use their usual methods of building connection and preventing loneliness while in Vancouver.
http://www.newrepublic.com/article/113176/
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/pieces-mind/201301/accepting-loneliness
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